coffee talk

discuss amongst ya-selves..... 

princesses of long island.

holy. crap. 

these people are horrible.

grinning ear to ear. such great television. 

there isn't enough time in the world to discuss this show. 

Coco (ugh. your name is chanel and your nickname is coco. 
please. no one thinks as highly of you as you do.) 

So, Coco and her family sit down to eat dinner and there is wine and then orange juice on the table.  who eats dinner with wine and orange juice.  what could possibly go well with orange juice for dinner? 

she says at one point about something, no clue what, "this is why we all arent married".  There are MANY reasons why you all aren't married yet.

The midge up there in the front....the one with the worst voice of them all (which is TRULY saying something). Tiny one wants to date an alpha male! rugged! manly! Someone like her dad.... the dad that's getting a pedicure in jorts.

Now, the star of the show. The biggest princess.... Jeff. 
I think we all are thinking the same thing, so I'll just not even comment on that.  How deaf, dumb, and blind is Amanda?

 And the dinner date: "ooohhh you want to marry me? ohhhh just hearing you say those words.... oh baby I want to marry you" combined with the perverted bikini shopping comments (about her AND her mother. woof) made me almost chuck my remote through my television. 

 Joey, the token "poor girl", aka - the only sane, normal one with a job, did the greatest thing by bringing the meat head friends.  When Amanda announced "We're getting married!!!!!" in defense of the drunk fight at the pool, and the South Jersey boys start mocking her, I did a slow clap.  What lunatic announces we're getting married as a defense of their relationship to their boyfriend whom they are not engaged to? 
Amanda smiles while everyone laughs.
No Amanda, we are laughing AT YOU. 

Every line of that show deserves it's own Coffee Talk.  

RHOOC:

Ummmm Vicki had been cheating on Don and hooking up with people for 12 years!!?? WHAT??

Tamra's threats at the reunion were even more true that we realized!  I agree with Gretchen on this one.... really... how could she possibly find that many people to cheat with? 

For the 9 millionth time, what was Don thinking being with her.  
Thank God Don got away.

 Lydia explains that she has enough penis in her life between two boys, a husband, and a dog (good line) and will be leaving the room when strippers arrive.  And when you are talking about strippers in Mexico especially, I hear ya lady.  I'm young and fun 

 and no way in hell would I be anywhere near that!! Anyways... when Lydia is sitting at dinner saying it is the most boring bachelorette trip in the world - truer words have never been spoken.  I'm sorry, I really like Heather, but if I flew to Mexico for a bachelorette and we are eating at a nice dinner WHERE THEY DO NOT EVEN SERVE CHIPS AND GUACAMOLE I would be losing my damn mind.  IT IS MEXICO!? HOW CAN IT "NOT BE THAT KIND OF RESTAURANT?!". I truly would have gone insane. At that point I'd RUN to whatever hell-hole-bar Vicki keeps talking about and demand some Mexican food with my beer while I watch her whore herself out.  

Do not let Heather Dubrow plan your bachelorette.  Based on the previews, it looks like next week they make up for lost party time, but not in a good way.

Oh, and possibly the best part of the episode. Gretchen. 
Anyone catch this gem: 

 Oh,  you give us blonde's such a good name.  Yes, let's unleash a wrath of furry Gretchen. You and Slade are perfect for one another.

The Bachelorette:

Is it required to have something horrible have happened in order to be on the show? And required to discuss it the moment you speak to Des for the first time?

My parents are divorced!

My dad left me!

My mom was an alcoholic!

I had a horrible break up!

Hi I'm (who cares),  I have diabetes!!!

The last one especially, I was on the floor laughing.  Not about diabetes, diabetes is not funny, but about the fact that IT MUST BE SHARED THE MOMENT AFTER I INTRODUCE MY NAME.

What is it with these cry babies? I cry more than probably 95% of the people I know, and even I am ashamed of these "men".  Too many steroids for the muscle men? I think so.

The horrible dates begin!! A rap video -- yaaaaay! the meat head men are so excited!! What an amazing day :)

Only positive to that: I had flashbacks to Junior Year of College doing Soilja Boi all around our living room during pre-games before the bars. 
Good times with our double bottles of Yellow Tail. 

You know the bungeeing off bridges and jumping off of buildings is coming somewhere in the next 2 episodes... so that Des and the guys can be like "oh.... I never could have done that! But we did it together!! He/She made me feel so safe!!".  Oh, and ten bucks the person with a TERRIBLE fear of heights just happens to be the one picked.

Newlyweds: The First Year

The married New Jersey couple.... if my husband ever spoke to me that way, especially when pregnant. I'd kill him. 

 He calls her fat, and says he thinks he's never going to see a firm body again.

First of all, you are an ass.  Second, you are an unattractive ass.  Third of all, you are the overweight one, and an unattractive ass. 

Tina: do not ask your mother-in-law about sex. 

 Do not continue to ask with specifics.... gross.

I'm sure the sequined pillows, sheets, and comforter probably are not helping the sex life though.  Just a guess?

RHONJ

It's just so much hatred I can't handle it.  It's not even fun to watch.

Theresa makes my skin crawl. 

Only entertaining aspect was the quote above.

uncalled for, and inappropriate, so obviously entertaining. 

Michael Douglas.  Oh. Good. Lord.

Yes, this is a great way to bring attention to HPV; for that, good job.

But honestly, you do not need to use the word cunnilingus repeatedly to get the point across.

and secondly, do not be surprised when the media goes insane when you keep talking about cunnilingus! There's really no other way to mean what you said.  Gross.

Anyone Remember Ready for Love?

They took it off the air after 3 episodes, and put it On Demand.  And my crazy ass kept watching. The finale was last night and I just couldn't contain myself.  I'm sure no one else watches, but if you do, leave a comment so I can bitch :) 

Especially about Ernesto picking SHANDI.
dumbass. 

Taylor Swift is making a stink about people hanging out on the public beach walk next to her house.

Hey moron.  Don't buy a house sitting directly next to the beach walk and right on a public beach.  She could not be more obnoxious. 

kim is pregnant AGAIN!? 

she really must not be lying about being 35,

 because she if fertile myrtle!! 

This Amanda Bynes PSA is amazing.

hilarious and true.  guilty as charged. 

I haven't watched Kardashians so I can't comment on that one. I was hoping it would lower their ratings and maybe lower their egos if I watched at another time OnDemand, but alas, nothing could ever do that.  

xoxo

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