discuss amongst ya-selves…..
I just didn't have time last week…..
So without further ado, a random edition of Coffee Talk.
Last week's RHOBH kicked off with Brandi butt naked in a bath tub chatting with her friend.
oh of course! because that's what we all do…. lay naked in the tub and have conversations with our girlfriends. all. the. time.
oh of course! because that's what we all do…. lay naked in the tub and have conversations with our girlfriends. all. the. time.
what the hell???
brandi then teaches us about break-ups:
break up with someone at dinner before the appetizer of calamari is even on the table.
what?? how did the rest of that meal go?
actually, probably pretty well, because I'm guessing the "I'm tipsy you're driving me home" comment was code for "now we're just back to friends with benefits so let's go to my place".
the lady closeness continues with Carlton,
who clearly bats for both teams.
WE GET IT.
you like hot women. you are 99% sleeping with your blonde nanny.
you clearly are more than friends with these people.
and last night's episode…I mean. I can't.
brandi and carlton go lingerie shopping together, because that's what people who have met two times do. obviously.
because why not - what better way to get to know someone!
first the naked bathtub scene and then that.
are straight men setting up these scenes or something??
where are you andy cohen??!!}
The highlight of the episode of course is that we learn more about where Carlton draws the line and is freakin' bloody offended dammit!
or as she would phrase it,
Things that Bloody F***ing Disgust Carlton:
1. do NOT ask her a question. that's not how you get to know someone! you don't invite people to your home to have them speak to you!
2. do NOT ask if she practices witchcraft, even if the answer is a resounding yes and she used to be "on the dark side but would never do that again because she has children" and therefor that is her having high freaking standards!
3. do NOT sit at the head of a table. that is repulsive. even if there is a table setting there and nowhere else for someone to sit because that's the only available chair, only bloody pigs sit at the head of a table. so bloody arrogant!
4. do NOT ask someone a question about religion. even if there are 476 crosses in their home! what is wrong with you people! that is the most offensive thing in the world! However, saying C U Next Tuesday is completely acceptable! In fact, if it comes from the mouth of a hot girl, it is quite the complement.
5. do NOT talk about the size of your husband's nether regions. that is repulsive! however, let me hypocritically clarify for all to know that "mine is hung like a donkey". but don't you dare talk about the size of men's things you disgusting women!!!
and that concludes this week's lesson in
things that bloody f***ing disgust carlton.
and how the hell did I forget to mention Yolanda and Gigi.
{the name Gigi comes out of her mouth more than anything else}.
Life lessons from Yolanda:
When you feel like you are about to pass out from the master cleanse diet,
chew an almond.
very, very slowly!!!
all better.
I need her to adopt me 2 months before our wedding and just kick my ass.
brandi then teaches us about break-ups:
break up with someone at dinner before the appetizer of calamari is even on the table.
what?? how did the rest of that meal go?
actually, probably pretty well, because I'm guessing the "I'm tipsy you're driving me home" comment was code for "now we're just back to friends with benefits so let's go to my place".
the lady closeness continues with Carlton,
who clearly bats for both teams.
WE GET IT.
you like hot women. you are 99% sleeping with your blonde nanny.
you clearly are more than friends with these people.
and last night's episode…I mean. I can't.
brandi and carlton go lingerie shopping together, because that's what people who have met two times do. obviously.
because why not - what better way to get to know someone!
first the naked bathtub scene and then that.
are straight men setting up these scenes or something??
where are you andy cohen??!!}
The highlight of the episode of course is that we learn more about where Carlton draws the line and is freakin' bloody offended dammit!
or as she would phrase it,
Things that Bloody F***ing Disgust Carlton:
2. do NOT ask if she practices witchcraft, even if the answer is a resounding yes and she used to be "on the dark side but would never do that again because she has children" and therefor that is her having high freaking standards!
3. do NOT sit at the head of a table. that is repulsive. even if there is a table setting there and nowhere else for someone to sit because that's the only available chair, only bloody pigs sit at the head of a table. so bloody arrogant!
4. do NOT ask someone a question about religion. even if there are 476 crosses in their home! what is wrong with you people! that is the most offensive thing in the world! However, saying C U Next Tuesday is completely acceptable! In fact, if it comes from the mouth of a hot girl, it is quite the complement.
5. do NOT talk about the size of your husband's nether regions. that is repulsive! however, let me hypocritically clarify for all to know that "mine is hung like a donkey". but don't you dare talk about the size of men's things you disgusting women!!!
and that concludes this week's lesson in
things that bloody f***ing disgust carlton.
and how the hell did I forget to mention Yolanda and Gigi.
{the name Gigi comes out of her mouth more than anything else}.
Life lessons from Yolanda:
chew an almond.
very, very slowly!!!
all better.
I need her to adopt me 2 months before our wedding and just kick my ass.
kan-YAY's {say it like the kardashian's…. kanYAY} music video made quite the stir
I loathe these two so much.
but what made a bigger one?
kanye = 0 jonah = 1
I loathe these two so much.
but what made a bigger one?
kanye = 0 jonah = 1
jackhole of the week:
first, Asa's (from shah's of sunset) Diamond Water.
I mean….. seriously.
and second, Lily from Shah's of Sunset
for wanting us to feel sympathy for her not being able to gain weight.
She was at 97, and wants to be at 103!!
Life is sooooo hard.
Imagine what she weighs without the breast implants and weave?
Good Lord.
first, Asa's (from shah's of sunset) Diamond Water.
I mean….. seriously.
and second, Lily from Shah's of Sunset
for wanting us to feel sympathy for her not being able to gain weight.
She was at 97, and wants to be at 103!!
Life is sooooo hard.
Good Lord.
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